From what she’s told me, it all sounds pretty appealing.
As people’s lives become busier and as careers take off, your priorities shift.
It’s healthy and necessary to ask for — and deliver — status updates so that the other knows where things stand at all times. Thankfully, modern technology has made it super easy for you to get off whenever, however, wherever.
That is the beauty of the world we live in today, but there’s something about setting aside prescribed times to do it that feel tawdry or stifling in the worst possible ways. When you’re dating someone you see regularly, everything has the potential to be a door-slamming, brunch-leaving blowout.
Put simply, a needy person doesn’t feel good inside and then saddles the other person with the responsibility to make them feel better… whoops, “my battery died, sorry I didn’t call you back last night.” Nobody’s perfect. When you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviors. When a person takes on the belief that another person is responsible for their happiness, their sense of well-being and their sense of self-esteem, then it’s guaranteed that they’re going to act needy as a result of that mindset.
(FYI, we have a whole chapter on this in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want“) Even the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time. I would be pretty surprised if you never had a needy guy around you. Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).
Could you imagine what you would want to do if that needy guy was texting you right now?
Say you meet a handsome stranger one night in the corner of a dark bar.
We had a frank chat over wine about this phenomenon and it was illuminating.
Think of all the times anything you say is misinterpreted or taken out of context.
A sideways comment said out of frustration or stress can be bad, but is usually explained away face to face.
I can’t go into as much depth as I’d like to in this post, but men and women have different senses of how they’d like to be noticed for things (and what they’d like to be noticed for.) At the root of it, when a man feels like he make a woman happy, he will not want to be in a relationship with her (or if he stays, he will not want to deepen it). Back to neediness: When a woman starts acting needy, especially in the beginning of a relationship, it shows up as the ultimate red flag. Neediness is synonymous with ’emotional dependency’, as in: “This woman is dependent on the guy in order for her to feel good.” Now, sometimes when I start explaining this, I’ll get a comment saying, “Oh so what? You can have it all, too, but what I’m trying to explain in this article is that you don’t get it from it.
On the other hand, when a woman acknowledges him for all the things he’s doing well, he will almost certainly want to deepen the relationship and stay in it. We’re supposed to be emotional robots with no feelings or desires and just accept anything a guy is doing without complaint? You create a relationship with those qualities by inspiring those things within the relationship.